I am not good enough.
This is the fear that follows me through life like a shadow. The fear that, no matter what I do, I will always somehow be lacking. I will never quite be enough.
And so I find myself constantly striving, constantly trying to be just a little bit better. I think if I work just a little bit harder or a little bit longer, if I get up earlier or go to bed later, I will become "good enough".
But whilst I might be able to do this for a short while, I inevitably fail.
I am not good enough.
And I realised last weekend that it's true. I am not "good enough". But not in a depressing, self-deprecating way. In a liberating, bigger-than-I-can-imagine way.
Last week at church we looked at the description of God creating humans in the book of Genesis. We picked out three key characteristics from the description: we are eternal, we are relational, and (for me, the most significant), we are good.
"God created human beings;
he created them godlike,
Reflecting God’s nature.
He created them male and female.
God blessed them:
'Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.' [...]
God looked over everything he had made;
it was so good, so very good!"
[Genesis 1:27, 31 MSG]
I am good. Because I am made by a good God who declares me to be good. Undeniably, irrevocably, unarguably good.
I am not "good enough". I am good. So very good.
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