I Am Not 'Good Enough'

I am not good enough.
 
This is the fear that follows me through life like a shadow.  The fear that, no matter what I do, I will always somehow be lacking.  I will never quite be enough.

And so I find myself constantly striving, constantly trying to be just a little bit better.  I think if I work just a little bit harder or a little bit longer, if I get up earlier or go to bed later, I will become "good enough".

But whilst I might be able to do this for a short while, I inevitably fail.
 
I am not good enough.

And I realised last weekend that it's true.  I am not "good enough".  But not in a depressing, self-deprecating way.  In a liberating, bigger-than-I-can-imagine way.

Last week at church we looked at the description of God creating humans in the book of Genesis.  We picked out three key characteristics from the description: we are eternal, we are relational, and (for me, the most significant), we are good.
 
       "God created human beings;
       he created them godlike,
       Reflecting God’s nature.
       He created them male and female.
       God blessed them:
       'Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
       Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
       for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.' [...]
       God looked over everything he had made;
       it was so good, so very good!"

       [Genesis 1:27, 31 MSG]


I am good.  Because I am made by a good God who declares me to be good.  Undeniably, irrevocably, unarguably good.
 
I am not "good enough".  I am good.  So very good.

Why Going To The Cinema Is Still So Popular

I listened to an interesting article this morning on the radio about the future of the cinema and whether or not films were still popular.

 

There has been a lot of talk lately around this topic, especially with the latest James Bond film breaking box office records.

 

Films, it would seem, are still a very popular form of entertainment.

 

It reminded me of a talk I heard recently about the spirituality of the cinema experience: we sit in silence and whisper in hushed and reverent tones as pictures are played out before our eyes.  We sit back and watch as a story unfolds.  A story of the battle between good and evil. 

 

And we find ourselves caught up in the story. 

 

I find it really interesting as well how popular 3D films are becoming: not content with simply watching these stories and feeling caught up in them as we watch, we now seem to want to be surrounded by them.  Immersed in them.

 

We want to be part of these stories.  We want them to be our stories.

 

Perhaps there is something in our cinema-going which speaks, not just of our love of stories, but of our desire to enter into these grand narratives, of our hope and desire for good to win out over evil. 

 

These are themes and stories and patterns which are repeated and played out in the Bible, and which culminate, ultimately, in the birth and death and resurrection of Jesus.

 

In His story, we find a grand narrative.  We find a fierce battle between good and evil.  And we find that good wins out over evil.

 

Describing the resurrection, Paul writes,

 

       “Death is swallowed up in victory.
       O death, where is your victory?
       O death, where is your sting?"

 

       [1 Corinthians 15:55 NLT]

 

 

What is more, in Jesus' story, we find an invitation to enter in, to fully immerse ourselves in the plot.  To become a part of the story. 

 

If we want to.

 

 

 

 

The New Year And The Old Year

There is a tendency to think that new is better: new technology, new phones, new fashions, new house, new job.

 

'New' suggests hope and potential.  'New' suggests improvements.

 

In the same way, there is a tendency to view the new year as being guaranteed to be better than the old one, simply because it is 'new'.  We can look towards the new year as a sign of hope.  We can find ourselves full of excitement and anticipation for what's to come.

 

But in emphasising the goodness of the 'new', sometimes we can dismiss all of the 'old' as being bad or inferior.  It is easy to throw it all out in one go, without sifting through to find the things of value.

 

Instead, we need to learn to accept the good and the bad in our lives, in others and in ourselves together.

 

David prayed,

 

         "Investigate my life, O God,
         find out everything about me;
         Cross-examine and test me,
         get a clear picture of what I’m about;
         See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
         then guide me on the road to eternal life."

 

         [Psalm 139:23-24 MSG]

 

 

As the old year comes to a close, and we inevitably spend time reflecting on the year past and the year to come, let's acknowledge both the good and the bad and ask God to guide us on the road to eternal life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once In Royal David's City

There is a line in the Carol 'Once in Royal David's City' which I refuse to sing every time.

Christian children all must be

Mild, obedient, good as he.

Mild.  Obedient.  Good.

I don't disagree with the idea of Jesus being good or obedient.  In fact, He is only worth worshipping because of how good He is and how perfectly obedient He was to God's will. 

But mild?

 

The Oxford online dictionary defines 'mild' as -

 

not severe, serious, or harsh; not intense or extreme; gentle and not easily provoked

Yes, Jesus is, at times, gentle.

 

But He was also wildly provocative.  He asked uncomfortable questions, He gave uncomfortable answers.  He didn't just follow the religious leaders of the day with their hundreds of rules and regulations.  In fact, He frequently opposed or flouted them. 

 

Many times in the Gospels, we read that the people plotted to kill Jesus, because of the things that He said or did.

 

That's not mild.

 

On one occasion, Jesus was provoked by the way people were abusing the Temple by selling animals for sacrifice at extortionate prices.

 

"Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice.  He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves.  He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”

 

[Matthew 21:12-13 NLT] 

 

There is something wild and passionate and furious in the heart of Jesus here.  Something provocative and provoked, something intense and serious. 

 

He is far from mild.

 

As C. S. Lewis wrote about Aslan,

 

"Safe?  Who said anything about safe?  'Course he isn't safe.  But he's good."

 

 

He is not safe and He is not mild.  But He's good.  And He's on our side.
 

I love these words in the chorus of Jeremy Riddle's song 'Furious'

 

          "His love is deep, His love is wide

          And it covers us

          His love is fierce, His love is strong

          It is furious

          His love is sweet, His love is wild

          And it's waking hearts to life."

 

 

Perhaps this year, I won't sing mild, obedient, good as he, but wild, obedient, good as He.