Why I Needed To Stop Blogging

I haven't blogged in a few weeks.

When I started writing back in June last year, I never intended to write every day, it just sort of happened: I kept finding and noticing things to write about. Things that I wanted to share.

But over time, I think writing almost became a religious ritual. It was still interesting to write, God was still revealing Himself and truths about Himself, His world and myself to me, but I felt a pressure to write, rather than always writing because I wanted to.

I also have a tendency to get caught up in patterns which I think will make me feel better - usually because I think that, with the right formula, I might just crack this longing-to-be-perfect thing and might finally attain it.

Now, writing a daily blog may not seem like a massive thing - certainly not a reflection of perfection, but I can get so caught up in doing things 'right' or 'well' that for me, making sure I wrote daily was becoming a god to serve, not a way to serve God.

Writing about a relationship with God was starting to replace a relationship with God.

So I stopped.

And I needed to not do something 'perfectly', to not keep it up, to be myself, to be real and, most importantly, to accept those 'imperfections' in myself.

The prophet Joel writes,

"The Lord says, 'Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts.'"
[Joel 2:12 NLT]

God is not interested in the content or regularity of my blog, so much as He is interested in the contents of my heart and the regularity of time spent with Him.

Fully Restored

Today I have bought myself yet another shampoo and conditioner that claims to restore my nearly-dead hair.

 

My hair isn't in dreadful condition, but the ends are in a shocking state.  They are split and flyaway and fuzzy.  Today's wind/rain combo left me feeling and looking like Bertha Mason.

 

I'm not sure how much it will help my hair, but I am a sucker for a new product.

 

I am always on the lookout for the next thing that will restore and revitalise my hair, rather than acknowledging that the thing that would help my hair the most would be to stop dyeing it so much or straightening it so regularly.  If I looked after it better, I wouldn't need to spend so much time or money trying to restore it.

 

But rather than fix the real problem, I spend my time and money trying to alleviate the symptoms of the problem.

 

I think in a spiritual way I often chase after different things to 'restore' me too.  Rather than dealing with the 'root' issues (no pun intended), I will chase after things which will make me feel better in the short-term: things that will make me feel confident and secure and happy.

 

Instead, I need to return to God, who promises to fully restore me.

 

I love these Old Testament promises -

 

"The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost."

 

[Joel 2:25 NLT]

 

and         

 

          "This very day I’m declaring a double bonus—
          everything you lost returned twice-over!"

 

[Zechariah 9:12 MSG]

 

Rather than just dealing with the superficial symptoms of my problems - both hair and spirit-related - I need to go back to their roots and deal with the real causes.  And I need to ask God to come and fully restore me.