Letting Go

I've just been watching the film 'The Wedding Date' which I haven't seen before. 

 

At the beginning of the film, the main character - Kat - is struggling to hand over an envelope (containing some flight tickets) to a messenger.  They tug the envelope back and forth between them for a couple of minutes, before Kat finally says, "I'm trying to let go, but I might need some help."

 

The messenger eventually physically removes Kat's hands from the envelope, so that she can let go.

 

Sometimes I know that I am trying to let go of things, but I need help.

 

I need someone to step in and remove my hands from the things that I'm holding on to. 

 

Sometimes I hold on to things because it is comfortable and familiar and safe, even though there is no life left in them.  But whilst I am holding on to these things and my hands are full with the past, I am unable to receive anything new.  I am unable to look to the future with excitement and anticipation.

 

Isaiah spoke about the need to let go and look to the future:

 

        "Forget about what’s happened;
        don’t keep going over old history.
        Be alert, be present.  I’m about to do something brand-new.
        It’s bursting out!  Don’t you see it?"

 

        [Isaiah 43:18 MSG]

When we fix our eyes and our hearts and our attention on the things we're holding on to, when we keep going over old history, we miss what God might be doing right now.  We miss the new things that He is bringing to life.

 

Sometimes we have to let go in order to let God release new things in our lives. 

 

 

 

Backtracking

Life is a journey.  Apparently.

 

Sometimes I feel as though I am travelling backwards.  I take the occasional step forward, but my journeying seems to be predominantly backwards.  I am treading over old ground, I am returning to the past.  I am asking old questions, I am revisiting old doubts, I am digging up old wounds and insecurities.

 

All of this feels like a waste of time, and it is frustrating because I feel as though I am moving further away from the horizon. 

 

I want to move forwards.

 

But sometimes, in order to move forward, we need to go over old ground.

 

Sometimes we need to go backwards to get enough of a run-up for the future.  In the same way that athletes prepare themselves for a long jump by walking backwards to get to a good place from which to launch themselves, we sometimes have to backtrack too.

 

That doesn't mean that we relive the past, or become who we were in the past, or repeat the mistakes of the past.  But sometimes in our haste to move forwards, we bury the past and hide it - we don't really deal with it.  And in order to move forwards, we need to properly unearth it and deal with it, so that we can stop carrying the burden of it in the present. 

 

We can leave the past in the past.

 

Paul urged his readers to forget the past and press on to the future.  But we can only forget the past and lay it to rest if we have dealt with it.  If we bury the past alive, it will always catch up with us.

"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

[Philippians 3:13 NLT]

 

Sometimes going over the past feels like a waste of time.  Sometimes it feels painful and pointless.

 

But if we want to jump far and take a leap of faith, we need a run-up.  And if we want a good run-up, we need to backtrack.

 

 

No Regrets

There is something profound about The Gilmore Girls.

In amongst the beautiful New England scenery, the tense family politics and the coffee-fuelled, quick-witted conversations, there are poignant comments and memorable remarks which linger long after the episode has finished.

In one such episode, after Lorelai breaks up with her fiance (Max) days before their wedding, Max is obviously confused and hurt.  However, instead of raging angrily about the situation, when he next sees Lorelai's daughter, he says

"I don't really believe in regrets.  All my experiences - even the ones that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to - I firmly believe they were all worth it."

Wow.

Not just, "I have a faint hope that at some point in the future I might realise there was a lesson in that experience somewhere."  Nope.  "I firmly believe they were all worth it."

Many of my experiences don't turn out the way I wanted them to.  Sometimes they turn out better than I am anticipating, and I am pleasantly surprised.  But sometimes they turn out worse than I could have ever anticipated.  I am hurt or disappointed or wounded in some way. 

And my first reaction is to feel regret. 

The word "regret" comes from the Old French "regreter" meaning to "bewail the dead", to mourn, to miss, to feel sad or disappointed about the dead.  It is a word focused on the past, on something that was or could have been.  

Whilst it would be impossible to forget the past completely, it is not helpful for us to keep going over and over it in our minds and in our hearts.  We can become attached to the past and tied to it in a way that prevents us from moving forwards.

The past is finished.  It is a dead thing, a thing behind us.  We can look back on things that have happened in the past and learn from them, but we can't live in the past.  And nothing we can do can change the past.  And in this sense, regret is futile.  Look to see what you can learn from the experience, whether good or bad, and then leave it in the past.  Leave it to rest.

Isaiah tells us,

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.  Be alert, be present.  I'm about to do something brand-new.  It's bursting out!  Don't you see it?"

[Isaiah 43:18-19, MSG, emphasis mine]

Learn from the past, grow from the past, be changed by the past.  But don't hold on to the past, for it is a dead thing. 

Look to the future. 

No regrets.