Single-Tasking

I am the Queen of multi-tasking.

 

And I take great pride in my ability to juggle several things at once.

 

I am nearly always doing at least two or three things at once.  And even when I am doing just one thing, my mind is always elsewhere.

 

I am always busy, always thinking about different things, always focused on several ideas.

 

I hardly ever switch off.

 

And I am exhausted.

 

So I want to learn how to stop.  I want to learn how to slow down.  I want to focus on just one thing at a time.  I want to learn how to still my heart and my mind and my soul.

 

I want to become a competent single-tasker.

 

"Be still and know that I am God."

[Psalm 46:10 NIV]

 

Without moving or doing or thinking, I want to learn what it means to know that God is God.

 

There is definitely a time for multi-tasking and there are definitely things in my life which require this skill.  But my relationship with God is not one of them.

 

I don't want to pray or read the Bible with my mind elsewhere, with my heart elsewhere. I want to learn how to be a fully committed single-tasker. 

 

I imagine it will be uncomfortable and unfamiliar and frustrating at first, as I am so used to multi-tasking. 

 

But it will be worth it, if it means that I really do know that God is God.

 

 

Traffic Jams

Patience is a virtue.

 

Apparently.

 

I found myself in a traffic jam today - a completely solid-not-at-all-moving traffic jam.  And the most annoying thing was that I was less than a quarter of a mile from my destination.

 

We all sat still for about 5 minutes with absolutely no movement and then the driver of the car behind me got out to see what was going on.  He got back in and shrugged his shoulders.  We were all stuck, but we didn't know why.

 

Luckily, I had stopped at a crossroads.  So, rather than wait in the jam, I took a turning down a side road and thought that I could get around the problem.

 

I beetled down the side road, but as soon as I got to the end, I met another jam - there seemed to have been an accident which was causing congestion all around the area.

 

I am one of those people who hates to stay still when they are stuck in traffic.  I would far rather drive further out and travel around the problem, looking for alternatives, instead of just sitting still and waiting.

 

I don't like just being still and waiting for something to happen.

 

I think it's because I don't like feeling powerless.

 

And I have the same approach to situations in life too: I don't like waiting for things to happen.  I don't like being still.  I like to be active and in control.

 

The Bible says,

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."

[Psalm 37:7 NIV]

 

I tend to interpret this verse as "Keep busy and active and search for alternative routes/solutions, just in case the Lord doesn't pull through in time."

 

I take my traffic-jam mentality and apply this to waiting for situations to resolve, or for God to answer prayers or 'show up'.

 

I don't wait and I certainly don't wait patiently.

 

But in all the busyness, in all the time that I am driving around frantically searching for alternative routes, I never get there any faster and I usually get worked up if I don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Maybe I'm missing the point: maybe God tells us to be quiet and to wait patiently for Him, because He has a solution and an answer and we won't get there any faster by searching for alternative routes.

 

Maybe the point of being still and quiet is so that we don't get stressed out or worked up and we can relax, instead, because it's all in His hands.

 

 

Verbs

To this day, I can still clearly picture and recite several irregular French verbs.  For our GCSEs, we were given a table which we had to memorise and it has remained ingrained in my mind ever since.

 

 

 Je vais

Tu vas

Il/elle va

Nous allons

Vous allez

Ils/elles vont

 

 

I have been thinking today about different verbs.  And, in particular, the difference between being and doing. 

I haven't really done much today, and that sits uncomfortably with me.  I am not very good at being and not doing. I feel guilty or lazy if I am not in action. I feel that I ought to be doing something all the time. And I think I worry about it because I still easily slip into thinking that my worth or my identity comes from what I do, not who I am.

 

 

We are human beings, but so often we identify ourselves as human doings.  We are concerned more by our actions and our roles than who we are when no one's looking and we are just still.

We fear that if we are still, we will lose sight of ourselves.

Perhaps this is why God reminded us to

“Be still, and know that I am God."

[Psalm 46:10 NIV]

My identity doesn't come from myself.  I am not defined by what I do or don't do.  I am defined by what Jesus has done and by what God says about me.  I am His child, His precious daughter [2 Corinthians 6:17].

When I am tempted to keep busy to feel better about myself, I need to stop what I am doing and remind myself of who God is and what He has done.  For that is where I find myself.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately.  It is called 'Beautiful' by MercyMe and is, as the name suggests, a beautiful song about our true identity.

The days will come when you don't have the strength

When all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

You're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to fight

'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

They are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His