Running On Empty

I've been feeling run down now for weeks. 

 

I keep tip-toeing to the edge of a full-blown cold/flu/throat infection combo and then, at the last minute, I step back from the brink.

 

Still, whilst I haven't actually succumbed to the bugs, I am exhausted.  I wake up and I feel tired.  I go to bed and I feel tired.  I feel as though I am running on empty.

 

But God doesn't tire.  He is constant and faithful.  And what's more, if we turn to Him and trust in Him, we will not grow tired either.  We will find new strength.

 

 

        "The Lord is the everlasting God,
        the Creator of the ends of the earth.
        He will not grow tired or weary,
        and his understanding no one can fathom.
        He gives strength to the weary
        and increases the power of the weak.
        Even youths grow tired and weary,
        and young men stumble and fall;
        but those who hope in the Lord
        will renew their strength.
        They will soar on wings like eagles;
        they will run and not grow weary,
        they will walk and not be faint."

 

        [Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV]

 

 

When we are running on empty, when we are weak, when we are tired, God will always restore us and lift us up again.

 

 

 

 

Have A Break

I re-read this poem today and forgot how much I liked it the first time round:

'How To Leave The World That Worships Should' by Ros Barber       

Let faxes butter-curl on dusty shelves.
Let junkmail build its castles in the hush
of other people’s halls. Let deadlines burst
and flash like glorious fireworks somewhere else.
As hours go softly by, let others curse
the roads where distant drivers queue like sheep.
Let e-mails fly like panicked, tiny birds.
Let phones, unanswered, ring themselves to sleep.

Above, the sky unrolls its telegram,
immense and wordless, simply understood:
you’ve made your mark like birdtracks in the sand
now make the air in your lungs your livelihood.
See how each wave arrives at last to heave
itself upon the beach and vanish. Breathe.

It is a beautiful reminder that there are much more important things in life than faxes and emails and deadlines and phonecalls.  There is much more to life than work.

Sometimes we can be so consumed by our 'To-do' lists (I often cheat and add things that I have already done, just so I feel I have achieved something), we forget who we are apart from our work.

It is good to stop and rest and breathe.  More than that, it is essential to stop and rest and breathe and have a break from the heavy demands of work.  And we can find rest in the shadow of God.

        "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

        will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

        [Psalm 91:1 NIV]

I love the words of this song, 'I Love Your Presence' -

        "In the glory of Your presence
        I find rest for my soul
        In the depths of Your love
        I find peace
        Makes me whole."

 

Today, I need a break.

 

 

Insomnia

Ironically, after posting last night about how tired I was, I couldn't sleep.

 

I wasn't even in the least bit sleepy.

 

I tried to sleep for about an hour and didn't feel any sleepier.  I read my book, I wrote in my journal, I listened to some music, and then I tried again.  But with no luck.  I was just as wide awake.

 

Eventually I stopped pretending I was sleepy and I got up.

 

I had some toast, did the washing up that I had left for the morning, tidied my flat, rearranged my furniture, straightened my hair and rang my sister.

 

About three hours after I had first gone to bed, I finally fell asleep.

 

Needless to say, I am exhausted today.

 

But I'm not the only one who was awake last night.  The Bible says that God doesn't sleep either.  Not because He suffers from insomnia and can't drop off, but because He watches over us and protects us in our sleep:

 

"I look up to the mountains - does my help come from there?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!  He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.  Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps."

[Psalm 121:1-3 NLT]

 

Sometimes it's easy to think that God has fallen asleep, that He has dozed off somewhere [as Jesus did when He was in the boat with His disciples], and is unaware of what is going on in our lives.  Sometimes God seems distant and silent and sleepy.  We are left waiting for answers to prayers or solutions to problems whilst, it seems, God snoozes.

 

But He who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.

 

God is always awake, always active, always working for us. 

 

Jesus said,

"My Father is always working, and so am I."

[John 5:17 NLT, emphasis mine]

 

We can rest in peace, because we know that God is always working and looking out for us.  He watches over us to prevent us from stumbling. 

 

So tonight, I hope that I can say, as the Psalmist did -

 

       "I will lie down and sleep in peace,

       for you alone, O Lord,

       make me dwell in safety."

 

       [Psalm 4:8 NIV]

 

 

 

Bath Time

I listened to an article this evening about how taking a bath is becoming less popular: most people these days opt for a shower or a modern 'wet room'. 

 

The main reason being baths are too slow for today's fast-paced life.

 

But that is exactly the reason why I love taking a bath.  I love having time to myself when I know I won't be disturbed or interrupted by phone calls or texts or emails or notifications.  I can spend an hour or so reading a book or listening to music with a glass of wine.  And I leave the bathroom feeling completely relaxed and rested, having taken time out from the busyness of life.

 

And the reason it is so relaxing is because there is no rushing about it. 

 

There is no such thing as a 'quick bath'.  A bath should be indulgent and lengthy.  When the Romans used to take baths, they usually lasted for several hours.  They were long and relaxing and restoring.

 

The Bible talks about God providing this kind of restorative rest for us:

 

         "The Lord is my shepherd;
         I have all that I need.
         He lets me rest in green meadows;
         he leads me beside peaceful streams.
         He renews my strength."

 

         [Psalm 23:1-3 NLT, emphasis mine]

 

Sometimes we judge our successes and our worth on our busyness.  If we are always rushing somewhere or other and are constantly flapping about because we have so much to do, we sometimes feel more important.  We can get to thinking that the world might stop if we did. 

 

And we think this about God too.  We can think that He will value us more, or be more pleased or impressed with us if we're one of those people who is constantly doing something for God/the church/others.

 

But this verse says that God lets us rest.  It is His desire that we take time out so that we don't burn out.

 

Perhaps it is not that baths are too slow for our lives, but that our lives are too fast for baths.  Perhaps we need to slow down and give ourselves more time and space to relax.

 

As for me, I'm off to run a bath...

 

 

Hibernating

I've been thinking about hibernation today, not least because I'm tired and it's been a bit of a grey day.

 

It's getting round to that time of year when it's getting chillier in the mornings and the nights are drawing in.  Soon the leaves will start turning from green to golden and animals will begin preparing for their period of hibernation.

 

I've been thinking about a different type of hibernation today as well: it occurred to me recently how infrequently I shut my computer down properly.  Instead, I usually save what I'm working on and set it to 'hibernate'.

 

I'm not entirely sure why.

 

I think it makes it easier when I turn it back on - I can carry on with my work without wasting time trying to find the different documents again.  It is easier 'pausing' things halfway through, rather than having to close them down and reopen them again.

 

I don't often properly shut it down.

 

And I realised that I don't often properly 'shut down' in my own life either - I don't usually give myself a proper break from things.  Even when I'm 'resting', I will often have my mind on other things.  I often pause halfway through a project, or a book, or a painting, but I don't have a proper break from it.  I'm still thinking about them or planning or musing.  I don't turn off my thoughts. 

 

And I don't often turn off my phone or my computer or my radio or my TV either.  There is always some sort of pull on my attention.

 

But rest is an important part of the rhythm of life.  If we don't take time to rest and recuperate and restore our souls, we will burn out.  Work should always be followed by rest:

        

         "By the seventh day

         God had finished his work.

         On the seventh day

         he rested from all his work."

 

         [Genesis 2:2 MSG]

 

Jesus made this a priority: 

"As often as possible Jesus withdrew to out-of-the-way places for prayer."

 

[Luke 5:16 MSG]

 

I want to make this a priority in my life too.  To take proper time out to rest and to restore my soul as part of the rhythm and pattern of life. 

 

Sometimes I need to 'shut down' rather than simply 'hibernating'.