Why I Needed To Stop Blogging

I haven't blogged in a few weeks.

When I started writing back in June last year, I never intended to write every day, it just sort of happened: I kept finding and noticing things to write about. Things that I wanted to share.

But over time, I think writing almost became a religious ritual. It was still interesting to write, God was still revealing Himself and truths about Himself, His world and myself to me, but I felt a pressure to write, rather than always writing because I wanted to.

I also have a tendency to get caught up in patterns which I think will make me feel better - usually because I think that, with the right formula, I might just crack this longing-to-be-perfect thing and might finally attain it.

Now, writing a daily blog may not seem like a massive thing - certainly not a reflection of perfection, but I can get so caught up in doing things 'right' or 'well' that for me, making sure I wrote daily was becoming a god to serve, not a way to serve God.

Writing about a relationship with God was starting to replace a relationship with God.

So I stopped.

And I needed to not do something 'perfectly', to not keep it up, to be myself, to be real and, most importantly, to accept those 'imperfections' in myself.

The prophet Joel writes,

"The Lord says, 'Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts.'"
[Joel 2:12 NLT]

God is not interested in the content or regularity of my blog, so much as He is interested in the contents of my heart and the regularity of time spent with Him.

Have A Break

I re-read this poem today and forgot how much I liked it the first time round:

'How To Leave The World That Worships Should' by Ros Barber       

Let faxes butter-curl on dusty shelves.
Let junkmail build its castles in the hush
of other people’s halls. Let deadlines burst
and flash like glorious fireworks somewhere else.
As hours go softly by, let others curse
the roads where distant drivers queue like sheep.
Let e-mails fly like panicked, tiny birds.
Let phones, unanswered, ring themselves to sleep.

Above, the sky unrolls its telegram,
immense and wordless, simply understood:
you’ve made your mark like birdtracks in the sand
now make the air in your lungs your livelihood.
See how each wave arrives at last to heave
itself upon the beach and vanish. Breathe.

It is a beautiful reminder that there are much more important things in life than faxes and emails and deadlines and phonecalls.  There is much more to life than work.

Sometimes we can be so consumed by our 'To-do' lists (I often cheat and add things that I have already done, just so I feel I have achieved something), we forget who we are apart from our work.

It is good to stop and rest and breathe.  More than that, it is essential to stop and rest and breathe and have a break from the heavy demands of work.  And we can find rest in the shadow of God.

        "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

        will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

        [Psalm 91:1 NIV]

I love the words of this song, 'I Love Your Presence' -

        "In the glory of Your presence
        I find rest for my soul
        In the depths of Your love
        I find peace
        Makes me whole."

 

Today, I need a break.