Winning And Losing

I hate losing.

 

I'm hugely competitive and, although I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, I will still probably sulk for a while if I lose a board game or a card game.

 

I have been thinking about this a lot over the past few days, as I have realised that a lot of my competitiveness links in with a desire to be the best, to always be number one.  To be the winner.  And so I feel insecure when I think I am in competition with someone else and I might not win.

 

But over the last day or so, God has been showing me how I don't need to see myself as competing with anyone. 

 

In the competition for being me, I win.

 

Paul reminds us of this in Romans when he writes,

"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t."

 

[Romans 12:6 MSG] 

 

Rather than looking to the people around me and comparing myself to them, or feeling as though I am competing with them, I want to discover what it really means to be me.  I want to know what it means to be the person that God made me to be and I want to grow more and more into that person.

 

 

 

Make Your Own Pattern

Thanks to the very kind donation of a large amount of Cath Kidston fabric from a lovely lady at church this morning, I have spent the afternoon attempting to make a cushion cover.

 

I have a vague idea of what I am doing, although I managed to cut the pieces too small to begin with.  I have cut and hemmed most of the pieces of fabric and have pinned most of the big bits together.  However, I haven't made an easy job for myself as I am making the pattern up and have included a contrasting fabric (which I have trimmed with lace), along the sides.

 

I have been staring at the different pieces for a good half hour wondering how best to proceed with the actual arranging and assembling of the finished piece.  The easiest option would simply to be to stitch everything to the cushion inner, but it would hardly be a cushion 'cover'.

 

It feels a bit like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with no box to copy the picture from, and no idea if you have all of the right pieces.

 

Still, I have been enjoying myself.

 

Sometimes my life can feel a bit like this, too.  I have lots of different pieces and sections and I'm not sure which is the front or the back, or which bits should be joined to others.  My life often feels fragmented and disjointed and I wish there was an easy pattern to follow.

 

But the lovely thing about not really following a pattern is that I am making a cushion cover that no one else has made before.  It will be completely unique.  And in the same way, I am living a life that no one else has lived before.

 

I am making my own pattern.

 

Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans,

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

 

[Romans 12:2 NIV] 

 

When we try and follow the pattern of the world, or the pattern that someone else is following, we lose ourselves - our originality and uniqueness.

Make your own pattern. 

 

 

 

The Grass is Always Greener

I'm sure we're all familiar with the saying - "The grass is always greener on the other side."

 

And it is always tempting to look at other people and to want what they have.  I am not very good at looking at what I have or who I am and feeling content or satisfied.

 

Instead, I find myself looking at those around me and wishing I was more like them.  Wishing I had their skills or abilities or talents.  Wishing I had as much money as them, or as much confidence as them, or as many lovely clothes as them.  Wishing I was more like them in some way.

 

The grass is always greener on the other side.

 

But today, I read somewhere, "The grass is always greener where you water it."

 

Where you water it.

 

The grass is greener where I choose to invest my time and my energy and my efforts.  Rather than looking at others and wasting my time longing for what they have, I need to invest time in myself and in my talents and skills.  I need to water my own 'grass', rather than looking enviously at someone else's garden.

 

The Bible tells us to embrace who we are, rather than looking enviously at others -

"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvellously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t."

 

[Romans 12:6 MSG]

 

I love this verse and often return to it - there is so much to chew over.  But I wish it was as easy to make it a reality in my heart as it is to read it.  I wish that by just reading it, I found the confidence to go ahead and be what I was made to be and that I would stop comparing myself either enviously or pridefully with others.

 

Unfortunately, it's not that easy. 

 

But perhaps it starts with realising that the grass will always be greener where I choose to water it.

 

 

 

 

 

Ourselves

For the purpose of this post, I will admit to watching 'St. Trinians' when it was on TV the other night. I'll even acknowledge that it wasn't the first time nor, I imagine, will it be the last.

At one point during the film they decide to give the 'new girl'- Anabelle - a make-over and the next 5 or so minutes is taken up with a montage of several different 'styles' that this character is subjected to.

Emo. Chav. Posh Totty (their word, not mine). Geek. 'First Year' and Classic.

A whole range of different looks for the same person. A whole variety of different personalities and characters that she could become.

Yesterday I wrote that one of the top people I would most like to be is Cath Kidston. That is still true. But as I was typing and reflecting on what I had written, I wondered how many times the person I want to be is me. How many times do I pick myself?

Do I, like Anabelle, try out a range of different 'looks' and personalities, or am I happy with who I am?

I'd say my feelings change - some days I enjoy being myself and embrace it. Other times, I wish I was completely different. I wish I was someone else.

But God made each of us as unique individuals and He calls each of us to embrace who we are.

This is one of my favourite Bible verses. I have probably quoted it before and I am sure I will quote it again.

"So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvellously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't."

[Romans 12:6 MSG]

And I love these words from Dara Maclean's song 'Free' which I heard again earlier:

"The girl I tried so hard to be, has always been me."

When we long to be someone else, when we spend our time and our money and our energy on trying to be someone different, we deprive the world of something priceless: ourselves.

I started with a Saint and I shall end with a Saint.

Saint Irenaeus said,

"The glory of God is man fully alive."

What is Worship?

I have been thinking today about worshipping and our use of the word 'worship'.

 

I was listening to a live stream of a 24/7 prayer room whilst I was finishing off a few things at work and it got me thinking about listening to worship songs. If I just listen to them, but don't sing or 'engage', am I worshipping?   If I have them on in the background whilst I'm doing something else - cooking, ironing, driving, photocopying etc. - is it worship?   Am I 'doing'; worship?   Is worshipping an active or a passive thing?

 

Often we use it as a noun.  A thing.  An object.

 

How was the worship?  How long is the worship at your church?  Who leads the worship?  Worship leader.  Worship group.  Worship band.  Worship song.  Worship music.  Worship CD.  Great worship! 

 

Recently, there has been a shift away from seeing the word as a noun, and a move towards seeing it as a verb instead.  Something we do.

 

Let's worship God.  After the talk, we'll worship for a bit.  We'll start by worshipping.

 

However, when we use it as a verb, it is often restricted to something that we do for set periods of time and in a certain place, or in a certain way.  It is usually linked to music. 

 

We restrict our understanding and see worship as something that takes place at church (or some other 'church' meeting/gathering), for a set period of time, with other people and with the accompaniment of music of some sort.

 

But I think worship is bigger than something that we do.  It is who we are.  All of the things that we say and think and do are acts of worship - they are acts of devotion and love and they reveal what is important to us. 

 

Josh Riley writes,

"Worship is everything we think, everything we say, and everything we do, revealing that which we treasure and value most in life."

We don't just worship God.  We can 'worship' all sorts of things, we can give our devotion and affection and attention to a variety of things or people: money, success, fame, ourselves, another person, a relationship, a sports team, a TV programme, a celebrity, a job.  The list could go on.

 

Whatever we spend ourselves on - money and time and attention - is what we worship.

 

Paul explains how he wants us to worship God with  our whole lives, by simply being who we are and offering that to God:

"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering."

 [Romans 12:1 MSG]

 

Everything that we do is an act of worship.  The question is, what are we worshipping? 

 

 

[There are some other really interesting definitions and ideas about worship on this website - http://worship.com/2010/09/what-is-worship-some-definitions-to-consider/]

 

 

Connected

Last night I found myself watching 'About A Boy' on TV. 

 

I haven't seen it in years and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it.  Not least because I am a bit of a Hugh Grant fan. 

 

The film primarily follows the lives of Will - a 38 year old single man who has never worked a day in his life - and Marcus - a teenage boy who lives with his depressed mother and struggles to fit in at school.  This unlikely pair find their lives overlapping and discover that they have a lot to learn from each other.

 

At the beginning of the film, Will explains how he sees himself and his life:

 

In my opinion, all men are islands.  And what's more, now's the time to be one.  This is an island age.  A hundred years ago, you had to depend on other people.  No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos or home espresso makers.  Actually, they didn't have anything cool.  Whereas now, you see, you can make yourself a little island paradise.  With the right supplies and the right attitude, you can be sun-drenched, tropical [...] And I like to think that perhaps I am that kind of island.  I like to think I'm pretty cool.  I like to think I'm Ibiza.

 

This is an island age.

 

Isn't that the message we receive from the world?  We don't need other people for our happiness.  We can satisfy ourselves.  We can please ourselves.  We can fill our lives with things and experiences and technologies.  We can surround ourselves with people without ever having to really connect with anyone.  We don't have to risk being vulnerable or inconvenienced or uncomfortable.

 

But that's a lie.

 

We all need connection.  The grand narrative of the Bible is a story of people disconnected from God and from each other, seeking reconnection in a whole variety of ways.

 

In his book 'Sex God', Rob Bell writes,

The story [of the Bible] begins with humans in right relationship - in healthy, life-giving connection - with their maker.  All of their other relationships flow from the health of this one central relationship - people and God.  They're connected with the earth, with each other [...] Then everything goes south.  They choose another way.  And they become disconnected [...] We're severed and cut off and disconnected in a thousand ways, and we know it, and we feel it, we're aware of it every day.  It's an ache in our bones which won't go away.

 

Like Will, we can deny this "ache in our bones", this need for other people.  We can live separate lives and never let people get too close.  But we won't really be living.  Whether we acknowledge it or not, we are all connected.  We affect other people and are affected by other people.  The Bible says,

"We are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around [...] Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we?"

[Romans 12:4-5 MSG]

By ourselves, we don't amount to much.  We need other people.

 

By the end of the film, Will's attitude has changed: 

Every man is an island.  And I stand by that.  But clearly, some men are part of island chains.  Below the surface of the ocean they're actually connected.

 

We are all actually connected. And that is where we find our meaning.