Why I Struggle With 'Holiness'

When I hear the word 'holy' in relation to a person, I think dull, boring, judgemental, critical, holier-than-thou.  I  don't imagine I will have anything in common with them and I don't really want to get to know them.

 

When I hear the word 'holy' in relation to God, I think distant, separate, untouchable, wouldn't understand.  I picture the holiness of God as something that I would be scared to approach, for fear of my own undeniable and inherent unholiness.  Even though I know the Bible says we can approach God's throne boldly through Jesus, the idea of God's holiness still makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

But when I hear holiness like this, my thoughts change:

 

"Holiness is the most attractive quality, the most intense experience we ever get of sheer life - authentic, first-hand living, not life looked at and lived from a distance ... Holiness is a furnace that transforms the men and women who enter it.

 

Wow.

 

 

This view of holiness is interesting, beautiful, attractive, life-giving, transforming, inviting.

 

And this is what Jesus offers.  Holiness, a whole-life.  Aren't they the same thing?  Holiness is a full life, a real life, an exciting life, a transformed life.  And it is a life that is possible through Jesus.

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."

 

[John 10:10 MSG] 

 

This is the view of holiness I want. This is the kind of holiness I want in my life.

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

Forrest Gump once said, Life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you're going to get.

 

I have been working my way through a box of chocolates this evening, but the thing with most chocolates these days is that you know exactly what you're going to get because they come with a small description of the contents of each chocolate.  If there's something that you don't like, you can avoid it.  Equally, if there are one or two that you are particularly fond of, you can easily make sure that you get to enjoy them before anyone else.

 

Sometimes I wish life was like a box of chocolates.  It would nice to be able to select the things that you'd like in your life and to avoid those things that you're not that keen on.

 

Unfortunately, however, we don't get to pick and choose our way through life.  Nor do we get to read all the 'ingredients' of different events and circumstances before they happen.

 

But whilst we don't know what is coming our way, God does.  And He remains the same throughout it all.  Constant, faithful, on our side.

 

"When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour."

 

[Isaiah 43:2-3 NLT]

 

Whilst we don't know what life will bring us, we do know the One who will walk with us through everything that life throws at us.

 

 

Make Your Own Pattern

Thanks to the very kind donation of a large amount of Cath Kidston fabric from a lovely lady at church this morning, I have spent the afternoon attempting to make a cushion cover.

 

I have a vague idea of what I am doing, although I managed to cut the pieces too small to begin with.  I have cut and hemmed most of the pieces of fabric and have pinned most of the big bits together.  However, I haven't made an easy job for myself as I am making the pattern up and have included a contrasting fabric (which I have trimmed with lace), along the sides.

 

I have been staring at the different pieces for a good half hour wondering how best to proceed with the actual arranging and assembling of the finished piece.  The easiest option would simply to be to stitch everything to the cushion inner, but it would hardly be a cushion 'cover'.

 

It feels a bit like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with no box to copy the picture from, and no idea if you have all of the right pieces.

 

Still, I have been enjoying myself.

 

Sometimes my life can feel a bit like this, too.  I have lots of different pieces and sections and I'm not sure which is the front or the back, or which bits should be joined to others.  My life often feels fragmented and disjointed and I wish there was an easy pattern to follow.

 

But the lovely thing about not really following a pattern is that I am making a cushion cover that no one else has made before.  It will be completely unique.  And in the same way, I am living a life that no one else has lived before.

 

I am making my own pattern.

 

Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans,

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

 

[Romans 12:2 NIV] 

 

When we try and follow the pattern of the world, or the pattern that someone else is following, we lose ourselves - our originality and uniqueness.

Make your own pattern. 

 

 

 

The Complete Guide To Sorting Out Your Life

In a charity shop today I came across a book with a very ambitious title.  I can't quite remember how it was worded, but it was something like The Complete Guide to Fixing Your Life.  Or The Complete Guide to Sorting Out Your Life.

 

Naturally, I was intrigued.

 

I must say I was rather disappointed with the contents as it was primarily a book about changing your diet to incorporate more fruit and veg and unrefined foods etc.  Not quite the life-changing tome the title suggested.

 

There have definitely been times in my life when I have wished for such a guide to life.  A guide which would have fixed everything or sorted it all out.

 

I think often we can look at the Bible as a collection of interesting thoughts or 'catchy' proverbs.  Along with Shakespeare, it is probably one of the most quoted and referenced books.

 

But it is so much more than a collection of dusty, over-used proverbs or snappy phrases.

 

I love how Jesus described His words,

 

“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living.  They are foundational words, words to build a life on.  If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock.  Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit - but nothing moved that house.  It was fixed to the rock.

But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach.  When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.”

[Matthew 7:24-27 MSG]
 

The words in the Bible aren't just catchphrases for us to toss around and slip into conversation.  Or rather, if that is all they are to us, then we will never understand their true meaning and their true power in transforming our lives.

But when we work the words of the Bible into our lives, when we build our lives upon them, when we make them our foundation, we find ourselves equipped with a complete guide to truly sorting out our lives.



 

This Time Next Year

I read a really interesting article today: it imagined that it was the end of 2013 and reflected on what had happened over the past year.

 

It made me think about what might happen to me and for me in 2013 and what I'll be thinking or feeling this time next year.

 

So often, we have a tendency to drift through life, without really paying attention to what's happening.  We keep our heads down for the most part and only raise them at significant moments - birthdays, Easter, Christmas, holidays - and when we raise them and look around us, we are astonished at how quickly the time has passed. 

 

Sometimes we can feel as though we haven't really achieved anything or moved forwards in any way.  Time drifts past and we remain unaltered.

 

But if we want to look back this time next year and feel that things have changed - that we have changed - we need to be intentional about it.  We need to look around us and take stock of things and decide what we want to happen in the next year.

 

Obviously not everything is in our control, but often a lot more is in our control than we realise.  Sometimes it is nicer and safer to assume that nothing is in our control - we don't have to feel responsible when things don't go our way.

 

The best thing is to take some time to honestly assess where we are right now and to spend some time thinking and praying through where we hope to be this time next year.  For although we can plan where we'd like to be, God's plans are not always the same as ours.

 

        "'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord.

        'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

        For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

        so my ways are higher than your ways

        and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'"

 

        [Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT]

 

 

No matter what we can plan or imagine for the year to come, God's plans will always surpass ours.  His plans are bigger than ours.  Unimaginable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think Outside The Box

When I was younger, I used to think that Boxing Day was so called because there must have been a big boxing match on somewhere. As I got older, I began to think it must have got its name from the fact that people box up their Christmas gifts on this day.

However, it seems both are wrong. Boxing Day apparently got its name from the fact that servants were traditionally given a box of gifts after the rest of the family had celebrated Christmas. In recent years, the meaning seems to have changed again to signal the day that people box up their gifts to return them to the shops in search of something better.

I think we can be in danger of 'boxing' Jesus up too, on Boxing Day. We remember His birth in the run-up to Christmas and on Christmas Day itself, but after that, how quickly do we pack Him away again until next year? How quickly do we seek to exchange Him for something else?

But Jesus didn't just come to change one day. He didn't just come so that one day of our lives would be better with food and drink and presents and a day off work. He came to change our whole lives: to change the way we see ourselves and God and to bring us back to our Father in heaven.

Jesus said,

"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me."

[John 15:4 MSG]

I wrote earlier in the week about Jesus coming, not just for a visit, but to live with us - to move in. In the same way, He invites us to live in Him, to make ourselves at home in His love.

To paraphrase a popular RSPCA advert, "Jesus is for life, not just for Christmas."

Instead of neatly packing Jesus away until the start of Advent next year, let's remind ourselves of why He came and make ourselves comfortable and at home in Him.

Let's consider what life might be like if we didn't pack Him away in a neat box, but invited Him deeper into our lives.

Let's think outside the box.

Empty

Today I feel exhausted and fed up.  I feel empty.

 

My heart feels heavy.

 

Jesus said in Matthew,

 "Out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks."

[Matthew 12:34 AMP]

 

Whatever my heart is filled with - whatever your heart is filled with - whether love, or anger, or envy, or frustration, or grief, this is what overflows and spills out into our words and our actions.  This is what spills out into our lives. 

 

Perhaps that is why the writer of Proverbs urged us to guard our hearts, as they are the wellspring, the source, of all life [Proverbs 4:23].

 

If I am not regularly spending time with God and letting His truths soak into my heart, all I will have to offer - all that will 'flow out of my heart' - is what I can muster up myself.  And on a day like today, that is not very much.

 

We need to keep returning to God and to His Word, to be filled up again and again and again, so that we overflow with His love and grace and acceptance and mercy.

 

For no one else has the words of life.

 

As Simon Peter said,

“Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life."

[John 6:68 NIV] 

 

 

 

Instant Upgrade

I have spent part of this morning updating all of the apps on my phone.

 

I have had notifications for weeks that there were new versions available and I have ignored them.  But something this morning moved me to action.

 

I'm not sure that they were all necessary, but I am now fully up-to-date (for the time being).

 

About a year ago, I attempted to update the software on my phone.  However, far from being the quick and simple task that I had imagined (and which I have enjoyed this morning), after four hours, not only had my phone not updated, it had crashed and frozen.

 

I had lost all of the data on my phone.

 

Apparently my laptop only had USB ports and not USB2 ports (who knew they existed?) and so the information couldn't be transferred because the USB port wasn't powerful enough (I'm sure it's more technical than that, but that was what I gleaned after many hours on the phone to the help desk).

 

Eventually - after locating a computer with the sacred USB2 ports - I was able to save most of my data and upgrade it.

 

However, since then, although I have upgraded the apps on my phone, I have avoided upgrading the software.  I don't want to risk losing everything again.

 

I think sometimes with spiritual growth and self-awareness, we have a similar approach: we hope that there will be some sort of 'Instant Download' or 'Instant Upgrade' that we can install in our hearts with very little effort or fuss.

 

The fear in engaging properly is that, as with my phone, the 'upgrading' process might wipe all of our previous data.  It might not be a simple task, we might have to re-enter some things and accept that other things are lost.

 

It might change us.

 

When David prayed and asked God to search and test his heart, he knew that it would be uncomfortable and would change him.

 

        "Search me, O God, and know my heart;
        test me and know my anxious thoughts.
        Point out anything in me that offends you,
        and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

 

        [Psalm 139:23-24 NLT]
 

Point out anything in me that offends you.

 

I'm not sure I like that prayer.

 

It is much more comfortable and much easier and far less time-consuming to simply not bother.  So what if we don't have the latest upgrade?  Are we really missing out? 

 

Lead me along the path of everlasting life.

 

If I want to walk in the path of life, I need to choose to engage with the process of 'upgrading', no matter how time-consuming or costly or inconvenient it is.  No matter how uncomfortable it makes me, or how much effort it takes.

 

If I want the full, whole life that Jesus came to give me, I need to wrestle with the issues that are holding me back.  No matter what it takes.


 

 

 

My Life Is A Mess

Whenever I tidy something or have a 'spring clean', everything always looks worse, much worse, when I am half-way through.  And when it looks like that - with so many piles of stuff everywhere that you wonder where it was all hiding - I always question why I started.

 

It's at times like these when I have to fight the strong temptation to just walk away.  Or to shove it all into a box or under the bed, out of sight.

 

It seems to be, as Jane Austen would say, "a truth universally acknowledged" that things have to get worse before they get better when it comes to tidying and cleaning.  I wonder if there is some sort of science behind it all?

 

And it seems that when we are sorting things out in our hearts and in our lives, things often get messy before they get better as well.  And we have to fight the same temptation to run away and to hide our issues under the bed again.

 

Sometimes in order to sort things out and to be put back together, we need to first be taken from together.  We need to be broken in order to be properly mended.  And that is messy.

 

But God is in the mess with us.  And He will help to rebuild us.

 

      "For God is out to help Zion,

      Rebuilding the wrecked towns of Judah."

 

       [Psalm 69:35 MSG]

 

       And,

 

       "You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,
       rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
       You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,
       restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
       make the community livable again.

 

      [Isaiah 58:12 MSG]

 

I heard this the other day,

"Have the courage to be imperfect."

I have spent most of my life chasing perfection.  The illusive idea that if I tried just a little bit harder, if I was just a little bit better, my life might be easier/better/more fulfilling.

 

I have run from imperfection and mess.  But I am beginning to realise that it is in embracing and wrestling with the mess that we find ourselves.  And in doing so, we find contentment and fulfilment.

 

We are all works in progress.  We are all half-way through the 'sorting out' process.  We are not finished products.  We are being refined and reshaped and recast day after day after day.

 

I'm not sure I have the courage to be imperfect.  But I want to try.

 

I want to be comfortable living in the mess, because that's where the life is.

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow Never Arrives

I have just read this brilliant, but lengthy passage in a book called 'Cold Tangerines' [by Shauna Niequist], that I wanted to share:

 

I have always, essentially, been waiting.  Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have.  In my head, I was always one step away.  In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly.  In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized.  Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids.  For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.  And through all that waiting, here I am.  My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start.  I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.

I love movies about “The Big Moment” – the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything.  I have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me.  I cry and cry at these movies, because I am still waiting for my own big moment.  I had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all I was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies.

I can completely empathise with her thoughts.  It is so easy to set things up in our lives as signposts or markers - things which, when reached or achieved, will satisfy us and complete us.

 

But the problem with waiting for tomorrow is that tomorrow never arrives.

 

These are our lives and we're living them right now.

 

Our lives are full of adventures which can be celebrated and experienced - if we choose to look for them and embrace them.  They are made up of lots of tiny 'Big Moments'. 

 

 

"God's Spirit beckons.  There are things to do and places to go!  This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"  God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.  We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children."

 

[Romans 8:14-16 MSG]

 

Our lives have begun. We need to live them.

 

 

 

 

 

Preview

I've been thinking about trailers this evening.  Not the sort that you attach to your car, but the sort which advertise a film or a TV programme.

 

They give us a quick and intriguing insight into what's coming up next, or try to persuade us to go and watch a film.

 

Sometimes I wish I had a trailer for my life: I'd love to know how the storyline pans out and what's going to happen.  Or even a short weekly trailer: a quick snippet of what to expect in the next week.  The highlights and the low points, the things to look out for and the things that will be stressful.  I wouldn't have to worry about things, I could be prepared for everything.  Nothing would catch me out.

 

But my life wouldn't be very exciting - I wouldn't really be living.  It'd be like simply reading through a script which I hadn't written, but couldn't control.  It would be boring, at best, and deeply dissatisfying at worst.

 

I don't know how my life will unfold and what will happen, but I do know and trust that God has got good plans for me.

 

This is one of my favourite verses in the whole Bible and it reminds me to trust in God when I feel that I don't really have a clue what is happening in my life:

 

         "The Lord will guide you always;
         he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
         and will strengthen your frame.
         You will be like a well-watered garden,
         like a spring whose waters never fail."

 

[Isaiah 58:11 NIV]

 

I want to be guided by God.  I want a life that is satisfied, even in difficult circumstances. I want a strong frame.  I want to be 'well-watered'; I want to be a spring that never runs dry.

 

Like a trailer for a film or the next episode of a TV programme, this verse doesn't give away the whole plot.  It doesn't give us all of the details, but it gives enough detail to make me want to read on.

 

And it's not just a preview for my life.  It's a preview for all of us.  If we want it.

 

 

 

 

Handbags

We've been talking this evening about what Jesus meant when He said that He had come to give us a "full life" [John 10:10].

 

What does it mean to be filled and fulfilled?  Is it a permanent state, or a changing one?  Do we need to be regularly 'topped up'? etc.

 

We talked about what a full life looked like - knowing who we are (identity), knowing why we're here (purpose), knowing where we're going (security) - and what we can so easily be tempted to 'fill' our lives with instead - wealth, job satisfaction, family, friends, relationships, material goods etc. - the things that promise to satisfy, but always leave us wanting.

 

We talked about our capacity to be filled as well.  Does it change and grow and stretch as we change and grow and stretch in our faith?  Or is it fixed?

 

I have an amazing ability to fill whatever size handbag you give me.  Be it small or large, I can guarantee I will fill every inch of it with things I need to have with me.  I can't explain it.  I think perhaps I see empty space as wasted space.

 

But it got me thinking about this idea of being filled, or having a full life.  As we grow more in our relationships with God, perhaps He gives us a bigger capacity to be filled, so that we never tire or grow weary of walking with Him.

 

He gives us a bigger handbag.*

 

In Isaiah, God told His people to be prepared to be stretched so that He could bless them with a full and rich and abundant life -

 

        "Enlarge the place of your tent,

        stretch your tent curtains wide,

        do not hold back;

        lengthen your cords,

        strengthen your stakes.

        For you will spread out to the right and to the left."

 

        [Isaiah 54:2-3 NIV]

 

Sometimes in order to be filled, we need to stretch ourselves out and show that we're ready and longing to be filled.

 

We need to enlarge our hearts and empty them of the things that clutter our lives, without truly filling them.

 

In short, we need bigger handbags.

 

 

 

* Or manbag, if you'd prefer.

 

 

 

 

Life and Death and Words

I am one of those people who is fascinated by words.

I love finding out their origins and finding root words which they have in common.  For example, obvious though it may sound, I realised just the other day that the word 'knee' and 'kneel' are related.  Fascinating!

And words are powerful.

It is with words that we construct our understanding of our world, our beliefs and our selves.

They have a life and a power of their own. 

As Dumbledore says,

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.”

In the beginning, in Genesis, God could have created the world and everything in it with His hands.  He could have sculpted and crafted everything physically.  But, instead, He chose to bring things into existence through His words, through His voice.

"And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light."

[Genesis 1:2 NIV emphasis mine]

Words are powerful. 

They have the power to bring things into existence, to bring light to dark places, to bring hope to places of despair.  The words that we use to describe ourselves and others either give life or destroy it.  They either create or kill.

"What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded."

[Proverbs 18:21 NCV]

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose."

[Proverbs 18:21 MSG]

You choose. 

Sometimes I know that the words I choose to use to talk about myself, to talk about others, to talk about my past or future, are not life-giving.  They limit and restrict and choke things. 

But I want to give life with my words.

What do you create with your words?