When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong

I love painting my nails.

 

I love painting them with vibrant colours and soft pastel hues.  I love transforming something ordinary into something colourful and beautiful.  And I find it really relaxing and satisfying and indulgent - if only for 10 minutes.

 

But the problem with painting your nails is that pretty soon after you are done, they smudge or chip or flake.  Even if the nail varnish claims to be 'fast-drying' or 'chip-resistant' or 'hard-wearing'.  Unless you don't use your hands at all after you have painted your nails, you can pretty much guarantee that they are going to chip.

 

And when they're chipped, they never look as good.  Yes, there's still a trace of the colour left and a trace of your effort in painting them, but it almost looks worse than if you hadn't painted them at all.

 

And then there's the question of whether you keep painting over the chips and filling in all of the blank bits, or just surrender to fate and wipe it all away.

 

In the same way, I sometimes find when I start something new and it fails, or doesn't go the way I want it to, I'm faced with the question of whether to keep painting over the cracks, or to wipe away every trace of my trying.

 

I don't want people to see the cracked, chipped, messy bits - I want to paint over them and keep up a perfect appearance.

 

But that is neither real, nor possible.

 

I wrote yesterday about life - real life - being messy and far from the perfection that so many of us chase.  In the same way, when I paint my nails, I would love for them to stay perfect and unchipped, but it's not a real reflection of life. 

 

Paul writes in Corinthians about an occasion where he prayed to ask God to remove something from his life, which he felt was a weakness - an imperfection:

"He [God] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 

 [2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV] 

 

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

Instead of never painting my nails, or frantically repainting over the cracks and chips every time they appear, I will continue to paint my nails and enjoy the colour they bring. But when they chip and flake, I will be reminded of my weaknesses and the fact that I don't need to hide them or cover them up. And I will be reminded of the fact that I am not perfect. And that is a good thing. 

 

For His power is made perfect in my imperfect weakness. 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing and Creating

I love writing. 

 

Stories, articles, blogs, essays, poems.  It doesn't really matter what I'm writing.  I enjoy all of it.

 

I never feel more alive than when I am writing.  It feels as though I am doing what I was created to do and I feel satisfied in the very depths of my being.

 

I have been working this evening on a story I'm writing and I've been really interested in the way that I think as I write.  I know what I want to say and I play around with the words until I am happy with them.  I feel confident and creative and I enjoy both the process of writing and the finished piece.

 

I love the feeling of creating new faces and places,  of describing a storyline unfolding and unfurling.  And I love how the characters seem to come alive in my hands.

 

But when it comes to my own life, I often forget that I have the same creative power.  I have the ability to change the way I see myself or what I believe about myself through my words.  I have the power to create new situations or scenarios for myself.  I have the power to alter how I see myself and how I value myself.  I have the power to decide what or who I will believe about myself. 

 

I have the power to create or destroy, to build up, or to tear down.   

 

Proverbs says,

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose."

[Proverbs 18:21 MSG]

 

So often I don't choose.  I forget that I have this creative power over my own life and, especially, over my own thoughts.  I feel as though I drift along through life, as a passive tourist, rather than as an active participant.

 

But Paul writes about the need for us to be active in constructing our identity and our sense of self and making sure that what we believe about ourselves measures up with what God says about us:

"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

 

[2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV]

 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.

 

It is with God's word that we demolish the arguments and lies we believe about ourselves: I am not worthless, I am not abandoned, I am not forgotten or forsaken, I am forgiven, I am loved, I am chosen, I am blessed, I am delighted in.

 

And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 

If I only let myself believe the things that God says about me, I would have a deep sense of peace and security about who I am.

 

But we have to choose.  We have to be active in writing and creating our identity.  In the same way that a writer has to be active for the characters to live and for the story to unfold.

 

 

 

 

 

Life and Death and Words

I am one of those people who is fascinated by words.

I love finding out their origins and finding root words which they have in common.  For example, obvious though it may sound, I realised just the other day that the word 'knee' and 'kneel' are related.  Fascinating!

And words are powerful.

It is with words that we construct our understanding of our world, our beliefs and our selves.

They have a life and a power of their own. 

As Dumbledore says,

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.”

In the beginning, in Genesis, God could have created the world and everything in it with His hands.  He could have sculpted and crafted everything physically.  But, instead, He chose to bring things into existence through His words, through His voice.

"And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light."

[Genesis 1:2 NIV emphasis mine]

Words are powerful. 

They have the power to bring things into existence, to bring light to dark places, to bring hope to places of despair.  The words that we use to describe ourselves and others either give life or destroy it.  They either create or kill.

"What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded."

[Proverbs 18:21 NCV]

"Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose."

[Proverbs 18:21 MSG]

You choose. 

Sometimes I know that the words I choose to use to talk about myself, to talk about others, to talk about my past or future, are not life-giving.  They limit and restrict and choke things. 

But I want to give life with my words.

What do you create with your words?

Control Freaks and Picket Fences

I was recently called a Control Freak by a friend.  It was completely justified.  I am a total Control Freak.

I like to know everything that's happening.  I like to be in charge.  I like planning and preparing for different outcomes.  I like to feel organised.

And I'm not alone.  As Mary Alice says in Desperate Housewives,

"Control.  It's extraordinary the tactics people employ to obtain it: some rely on deception, while others engage in outright trickery.  Then there are those who resort to extortion.  Why do we fight so hard for control?  Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others.  And what could be more dangerous?"

Control makes us feel safe.  It makes us feel powerful.  It is a form of protection.

But I have realised recently that so many of the things that I spend my time and energy trying to 'control' are, ironically, out of my control.

I spend my time fussing and worrying about other people's opinions of me, about their expectations of me and whether or not I am 'meeting' them.  I spend my time trying to plan for different events and 'covering' all eventualities.

And in all of this, I forget the only thing over which I do have real control: myself.

I can only really control my own thoughts and opinions and beliefs and desires and hopes and dreams and actions and words. 

And that is hard enough.

Fences demonstrate the boundaries between gardens and it would be strange and unnecessary if I took it upon myself to tend to someone else's lawn without their knowledge or consent.  It is not my responsibility. 

In the same way, I need to learn where I end and other people begin. I need to learn what is within my 'control' and what I can realistically change and influence. And then I need to learn how to 'control' what is mine.

If we don't have healthy 'fences' or boundaries between us and others, we will exhaust ourselves trying to take care of other people who should be taking care of themselves.  And we will open ourselves up to attack in all forms if we don't have secure boundaries around ourselves.

"A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls."

[Proverbs 25:28 NLT]

Rather than exhausting my resources by trying to control others, I need to understand what it truly means to control myself, to develop self-control.  For it is in developing an awareness of who we are (and who we aren't), in Christ, and growing in self-control with the help of the Holy Spirit [Galatians 5:22], that we find real safety and security.  That is where we find true power.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

[2 Timothy 1:7 NIV, emphasis mine]