I Like Myself The Way I Am

I was feeling a bit blue this afternoon about one thing and another and I happened to catch the end of the film 'Penelope'. 

 

I remember watching it at some point in the past, but I couldn't remember the whole storyline.

 

Penelope is a girl born with a curse - she has the nose of a pig.  And because of that, she is rejected by everyone apart from her parents and is forced to live at home, never leaving the house.

 

She misses out on so many things, because she is concerned by what people think of her and by the unkind things that they say to her.

 

Naturally, she is self-conscious and insecure.  She doesn't really love herself.

 

It is not until the end of the film that she realises that the one person's opinion that influences and affects her self-esteem is her own.

 

I love this line at the end of the film when she realises this - "I like myself the way I am."

 

It is such a powerful moment.

 

I don't always believe this about myself.  There are lots of things that I would like to change about myself, but I want to start saying this over myself.

 

I want to speak God's words over myself:

 

“You are my Son [daughter], chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life.”

 

[Luke 3:22 MSG]

 

I love these words in the chorus of 'Beautiful' by Mercyme -

 

       You're beautiful

       You're beautiful

       You are made for so much more than all of this

       You're beautiful

       You're beautiful

       You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

       You're beautiful

 

 

The Beauty Of Snow

It finally snowed!

 

And snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed.

 

I got up at 5 to check this morning and was delighted with the sight.

 

I absolutely love the snow.  I love the scrunching crunch of it under your feet as you walk.  I love that it slows the world down and gives us the chance to relax and reflect.  I love how quiet and hushed everything becomes, how everything is muted.  I love that it brings people together to build snowmen and have snowball fights. 

 

But most of all, I love how beautiful the world looks when it is covered in a thick layer of soft snow.

 

Wilhelmina in Ugly Betty says,

 

"Snow is a magical blanket, it hides what's ugly and makes everything beautiful."

 

Snow can make even the ugliest of sights look beautiful.  There is a huge, towering scrap yard a few roads away from my flat, which usually looks pretty monstrous.  But today, even that was transformed into something magical.

 

The Bible describes God's grace as being like snow:

 

 

         "This is God’s Message:
         'If your sins are blood-red,
         they’ll be snow-white.
         If they’re red like crimson,
         they’ll be like wool.'"

 

         [Isaiah 1:18 MSG]

But rather than just covering over the ugliness of life, and hiding it for a while, as snow does, God's grace transforms everything it touches.  So that when it melts away, what is left is more beautiful than before.

Autumn

I love this time of year.

 

Every year I am surprised by how bright and vibrant the leaves are on the trees.  Some of them are so beautifully rich that they actually seem to be glowing.

 

I love seeing the leaves on the trees and I love watching them drift silently and slowly to the ground, like snow.  I love kicking through them on the floor and scuffing my boots through huge piles of dried, curling leaves.

 

I love how predictable the trees and plants are through the different seasons - even with our awful British weather. 

 

The Bible talks about their being different times and seasons for things in life too:

 

         "There is a time for everything,
         and a season for every activity under heaven:

         a time to be born and a time to die,
         a time to plant and a time to uproot."

 

         [Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 NIV]

 

We don't tend to think of 'death' as having a season or a purpose.  It usually signifies the end of something.  But when we look at the trees in Autumn, we see that death is part of a necessary cycle.

 

In the film 'Calendar Girls' one of the characters describes this cycle:

"Every stage of their growth has its own beauty, but the last phase is always the most glorious."

 

We don't usually think of death as being beautiful or glorious.  It is something to be mourned and grieved.  But there is a real freedom in stripping away the things in our life which are dead.  Things which have no life left in them. 

 

It may make us feel vulnerable and exposed, in the same way that trees are bare through Winter.  But without shedding that which is dead, we cannot expect and eagerly anticipate new life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful and Useful

I read this today during my lunch-time perusal of twitter:

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful”

[William Morris]

 

If I could be anyone in the world, one of the top five contenders would definitely be Cath Kidston: designer and creator of all things fabulously floral and vintage.  Just standing in the shop or browsing through the catalogue makes me feel better.  I am hopeful that, by the slow and steady purchase of many of her gorgeous products, I might - over time - become her, through some sort of osmosis.  I will keep you posted.

 

Don't her products meet both of Morris' requirements: they are both useful and completely beautiful.  Yes, many would argue that a peg bag or a scrubbing brush need not be festooned with flowers, but why not?  Why not enjoy things that are both useful and beautiful, as William Morris urges?  Isn't this the best of both worlds?

 

As I was thinking about this at lunch, I got to thinking, not so much about what I fill my house with, but what I fill my heart and mind with. 

 

How much of that meets those two criteria: to be either useful or beautiful?

 

A lot of the clutter in my heart is neither useful nor beautiful.  It consists of left-over junk from past experiences.  Negative words which have no truth, but which I continue to speak over myself.  False hopes, ruined hopes, past hurts, bad decisions, regrets, grudges.  The list could go on.

 

And these things serve no purpose.  They simply sit in my heart and fester and rot and they stop me from appreciating what is beautiful and good and true.  They taint my vision of the world.

 

Regardless of how all of these things got into my heart - whether by my own mistakes, or someone else's- it is my responsibility to deal with them: to sift out what is useful or beautiful and to keep a tight hold of it.  And to throw out the rest.

 

What is in our heart matters, because it is the source of all life.  Proverbs instructs us,

"Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts."

[Proverbs 4:23 MSG]
 

And David prayed,

"Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [...] Create in me a pure heart, O God."

[Psalm 51:6,10 NIV] 

  

Whist I can't yet afford to furnish my whole flat with Cath Kidston's beautiful and useful products, I can choose to furnish my whole heart with that which is both beautiful and useful.

 

 

Verbs

To this day, I can still clearly picture and recite several irregular French verbs.  For our GCSEs, we were given a table which we had to memorise and it has remained ingrained in my mind ever since.

 

 

 Je vais

Tu vas

Il/elle va

Nous allons

Vous allez

Ils/elles vont

 

 

I have been thinking today about different verbs.  And, in particular, the difference between being and doing. 

I haven't really done much today, and that sits uncomfortably with me.  I am not very good at being and not doing. I feel guilty or lazy if I am not in action. I feel that I ought to be doing something all the time. And I think I worry about it because I still easily slip into thinking that my worth or my identity comes from what I do, not who I am.

 

 

We are human beings, but so often we identify ourselves as human doings.  We are concerned more by our actions and our roles than who we are when no one's looking and we are just still.

We fear that if we are still, we will lose sight of ourselves.

Perhaps this is why God reminded us to

“Be still, and know that I am God."

[Psalm 46:10 NIV]

My identity doesn't come from myself.  I am not defined by what I do or don't do.  I am defined by what Jesus has done and by what God says about me.  I am His child, His precious daughter [2 Corinthians 6:17].

When I am tempted to keep busy to feel better about myself, I need to stop what I am doing and remind myself of who God is and what He has done.  For that is where I find myself.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately.  It is called 'Beautiful' by MercyMe and is, as the name suggests, a beautiful song about our true identity.

The days will come when you don't have the strength

When all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

You're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to fight

'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

They are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His