Why I Needed To Stop Blogging

I haven't blogged in a few weeks.

When I started writing back in June last year, I never intended to write every day, it just sort of happened: I kept finding and noticing things to write about. Things that I wanted to share.

But over time, I think writing almost became a religious ritual. It was still interesting to write, God was still revealing Himself and truths about Himself, His world and myself to me, but I felt a pressure to write, rather than always writing because I wanted to.

I also have a tendency to get caught up in patterns which I think will make me feel better - usually because I think that, with the right formula, I might just crack this longing-to-be-perfect thing and might finally attain it.

Now, writing a daily blog may not seem like a massive thing - certainly not a reflection of perfection, but I can get so caught up in doing things 'right' or 'well' that for me, making sure I wrote daily was becoming a god to serve, not a way to serve God.

Writing about a relationship with God was starting to replace a relationship with God.

So I stopped.

And I needed to not do something 'perfectly', to not keep it up, to be myself, to be real and, most importantly, to accept those 'imperfections' in myself.

The prophet Joel writes,

"The Lord says, 'Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts.'"
[Joel 2:12 NLT]

God is not interested in the content or regularity of my blog, so much as He is interested in the contents of my heart and the regularity of time spent with Him.

Handmade Tales

More sewing tales today.

I have put the cushion cover on hold until I have figured quite what I am doing with it, but I have spent the evening instead making a beautiful roll-up craft case for knitting needles, pens/pencils, sewing equipment etc.

Again, I wasn't following a pattern, so I just sort of made it up as I went along.

However, I am so proud of the finished product and so pleased.  It looks really good, as if I have bought it, rather than sewing it myself.
 

There are wonky stitches and a few bits which frayed and so I had to sew over them a few times.  There are a few bits where I could perhaps have used a different colour thread so the stitching isn’t so obvious.  But in the main, I am really proud of my creation.

 

It is not perfect, but I made it and I’m delighted with it.

 

I have been reflecting on the delight (and, if I’m honest, amazement as I never really believed I could learn to use a sewing machine and actually make things halfway decent), that I feel and thinking about it illustrates God’s delight in us – His creations.

 

We are not perfect in and of ourselves – we are ‘frayed round the edges’ – but in His sight and through His purifying love, we become perfect.

 

I love that no one else has sewn what I’ve made either: it is completely unique.  One of a kind.

 

I love this verse in Ephesians,

 

“For we are God’s masterpiece.”

 

[Ephesians 2:10 NLT]

 

Not, we are God’s first draft, or God’s quick sketch, or God’s doodle.   We are His carefully constructed, well-thought-out, planned, perfected, delightful hand-made masterpieces.

 

I am so proud of my sewing, I can’t stop looking at it and marvelling and smiling and feeling so proud that I made it.

And that’s just how God feels every time He looks at us.

 

Creativity and Perfection

I love all creative things.  I love creating.

 

I have listened to a fascinating talk this evening by Julie Burstein about creativity and the tension in creativity between what we can control and what we have to let go of.

 

She describes how when we are creative, we can't control everything - we have to let go of some things.  If we have a strict idea of what we want to achieve and what we want our creativity to look like, we will restrict ourselves and our creativity.

 

Creativity and perfectionism are often enemies.

 

I remember in Art GCSE at school my Art teacher telling us how she had been at a workshop and each person had to paint something.  They were asked to pause after about 20 minutes and share with the rest of the group which part of their painting they liked the most.

 

They all proudly pointed out which bits they thought were best and explained why.

 

And then the tutor asked them to paint over those perfect parts - to wipe them away - and to continue painting.

 

You can imagine my teacher's feelings as she was asked to paint over what she perceived to be the best part of her work.

 

But she said that after wrestling with the idea, when she did finally paint over the 'perfect' bit, she was much freer in her painting.  She wasn't limited or restricted by trying to make the rest of the painting as 'perfect' as the small bit she was proud of.

 

If we hold on to the idea of doing something (anything) perfectly, it will stand in the way of real creativity.  We will tiptoe around the perfect bits, scared to disrupt or ruin them.

 

Scott Adams says,

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes."

 

Or perhaps we could say, Creativity is allowing yourself the freedom to be less than perfect.

 

As someone who has spent a long time trying (and obviously failing) to be perfect, this is so freeing.  I want to be creative, I want to be free to make mistakes.

 

Paul urged the Galatian church,

"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you."

 

[Galatians 5:1 MSG]

 

Even something as seemingly good as perfection can become a form of slavery.

 

Let's not let our drive for 'perfection' strip us of our God-given, messy, colouring-outside-the-lines creativity.

 

 

 

 

When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong

I love painting my nails.

 

I love painting them with vibrant colours and soft pastel hues.  I love transforming something ordinary into something colourful and beautiful.  And I find it really relaxing and satisfying and indulgent - if only for 10 minutes.

 

But the problem with painting your nails is that pretty soon after you are done, they smudge or chip or flake.  Even if the nail varnish claims to be 'fast-drying' or 'chip-resistant' or 'hard-wearing'.  Unless you don't use your hands at all after you have painted your nails, you can pretty much guarantee that they are going to chip.

 

And when they're chipped, they never look as good.  Yes, there's still a trace of the colour left and a trace of your effort in painting them, but it almost looks worse than if you hadn't painted them at all.

 

And then there's the question of whether you keep painting over the chips and filling in all of the blank bits, or just surrender to fate and wipe it all away.

 

In the same way, I sometimes find when I start something new and it fails, or doesn't go the way I want it to, I'm faced with the question of whether to keep painting over the cracks, or to wipe away every trace of my trying.

 

I don't want people to see the cracked, chipped, messy bits - I want to paint over them and keep up a perfect appearance.

 

But that is neither real, nor possible.

 

I wrote yesterday about life - real life - being messy and far from the perfection that so many of us chase.  In the same way, when I paint my nails, I would love for them to stay perfect and unchipped, but it's not a real reflection of life. 

 

Paul writes in Corinthians about an occasion where he prayed to ask God to remove something from his life, which he felt was a weakness - an imperfection:

"He [God] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 

 [2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV] 

 

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

Instead of never painting my nails, or frantically repainting over the cracks and chips every time they appear, I will continue to paint my nails and enjoy the colour they bring. But when they chip and flake, I will be reminded of my weaknesses and the fact that I don't need to hide them or cover them up. And I will be reminded of the fact that I am not perfect. And that is a good thing. 

 

For His power is made perfect in my imperfect weakness. 

 

 

 

 

 

Imperfectly Perfect

I recently found myself in a place which prided itself on its perfection. I was greeted promptly by a smiling and helpful receptionist; I was offered free tea or coffee in a pristine white cup from a friendly waitress whilst I reclined in a comfortable brown leather sofa.

Everything seemed perfect.

Except for me.

And I felt completely out of place. I felt as though my presence undid the work of 'perfection' that these people had strived so hard to achieve.  I felt uncomfortable and inconspicuous.  Because human perfection is always contrived and artificial.  It is a carefully crafted artefact, or a performance which we admire from a distance.  It doesn't invite us in, it distances us.  It doesn't affirm us, it criticises us.

It is something which intimidates us.

And it is something with which I have struggled for most of my life. 

I thought that I had to be perfect in order for people to like me - do the right thing, say the right thing, be the right thing.  There was no room for error.  And so I panicked when I made a mistake or 'failed'.

My least favourite Bible verse for a long time was Jesus' words to His followers -

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

[Matthew 5:48 NIV]

I struggled enough with being perfect in human eyes, let alone in God's eyes. 

But when Jesus talks about being perfect, He doesn't mean for us to be perfect in a human way.  It doesn't mean being on your best behaviour and never putting a foot wrong.   It means to be perfected - to be made complete, with nothing lacking or missing - in the same way that God is complete.  It denotes wholeness and a sense of peace as our striving comes to an end. 

True perfection is not something that we can achieve if we just try harder;  it's not something that can be artificially manufactured; it isn't a show that we put on.  It is something that comes from within and can only be realised when we understand our identity in Christ.

God's perfection, in contrast to human perfection, is embracing, inviting, forgiving, reassuring, affirming and enabling.  It meets us and accepts us where we are; it welcomes us in.  It isn't ashamed of our imperfections, neither does it deny them.  It acknowledges our weaknesses and lovingly completes us.

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

[Matthew 5:48 NIV]

Be perfected, made whole, complete, peaceful, assured, in the same way that your Heavenly Father is. 

I am not perfect.  But in Him I am.

Imperfectly perfect.