Control Freaks and Picket Fences

I was recently called a Control Freak by a friend.  It was completely justified.  I am a total Control Freak.

I like to know everything that's happening.  I like to be in charge.  I like planning and preparing for different outcomes.  I like to feel organised.

And I'm not alone.  As Mary Alice says in Desperate Housewives,

"Control.  It's extraordinary the tactics people employ to obtain it: some rely on deception, while others engage in outright trickery.  Then there are those who resort to extortion.  Why do we fight so hard for control?  Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others.  And what could be more dangerous?"

Control makes us feel safe.  It makes us feel powerful.  It is a form of protection.

But I have realised recently that so many of the things that I spend my time and energy trying to 'control' are, ironically, out of my control.

I spend my time fussing and worrying about other people's opinions of me, about their expectations of me and whether or not I am 'meeting' them.  I spend my time trying to plan for different events and 'covering' all eventualities.

And in all of this, I forget the only thing over which I do have real control: myself.

I can only really control my own thoughts and opinions and beliefs and desires and hopes and dreams and actions and words. 

And that is hard enough.

Fences demonstrate the boundaries between gardens and it would be strange and unnecessary if I took it upon myself to tend to someone else's lawn without their knowledge or consent.  It is not my responsibility. 

In the same way, I need to learn where I end and other people begin. I need to learn what is within my 'control' and what I can realistically change and influence. And then I need to learn how to 'control' what is mine.

If we don't have healthy 'fences' or boundaries between us and others, we will exhaust ourselves trying to take care of other people who should be taking care of themselves.  And we will open ourselves up to attack in all forms if we don't have secure boundaries around ourselves.

"A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls."

[Proverbs 25:28 NLT]

Rather than exhausting my resources by trying to control others, I need to understand what it truly means to control myself, to develop self-control.  For it is in developing an awareness of who we are (and who we aren't), in Christ, and growing in self-control with the help of the Holy Spirit [Galatians 5:22], that we find real safety and security.  That is where we find true power.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

[2 Timothy 1:7 NIV, emphasis mine]