No Regrets

There is something profound about The Gilmore Girls.

In amongst the beautiful New England scenery, the tense family politics and the coffee-fuelled, quick-witted conversations, there are poignant comments and memorable remarks which linger long after the episode has finished.

In one such episode, after Lorelai breaks up with her fiance (Max) days before their wedding, Max is obviously confused and hurt.  However, instead of raging angrily about the situation, when he next sees Lorelai's daughter, he says

"I don't really believe in regrets.  All my experiences - even the ones that didn't turn out the way I wanted them to - I firmly believe they were all worth it."

Wow.

Not just, "I have a faint hope that at some point in the future I might realise there was a lesson in that experience somewhere."  Nope.  "I firmly believe they were all worth it."

Many of my experiences don't turn out the way I wanted them to.  Sometimes they turn out better than I am anticipating, and I am pleasantly surprised.  But sometimes they turn out worse than I could have ever anticipated.  I am hurt or disappointed or wounded in some way. 

And my first reaction is to feel regret. 

The word "regret" comes from the Old French "regreter" meaning to "bewail the dead", to mourn, to miss, to feel sad or disappointed about the dead.  It is a word focused on the past, on something that was or could have been.  

Whilst it would be impossible to forget the past completely, it is not helpful for us to keep going over and over it in our minds and in our hearts.  We can become attached to the past and tied to it in a way that prevents us from moving forwards.

The past is finished.  It is a dead thing, a thing behind us.  We can look back on things that have happened in the past and learn from them, but we can't live in the past.  And nothing we can do can change the past.  And in this sense, regret is futile.  Look to see what you can learn from the experience, whether good or bad, and then leave it in the past.  Leave it to rest.

Isaiah tells us,

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.  Be alert, be present.  I'm about to do something brand-new.  It's bursting out!  Don't you see it?"

[Isaiah 43:18-19, MSG, emphasis mine]

Learn from the past, grow from the past, be changed by the past.  But don't hold on to the past, for it is a dead thing. 

Look to the future. 

No regrets.